Thanksgiving Day

November 27, 2015

Several years ago, my Grandma was rushed into Intensive Care (not for the first or last time,) and she coded on the table during a blood transfusion. It was one of the scariest moments of my life. I remember standing in the dining room at her house when I found out she had coded. I was taking care of my Grandpa (who is a stroke survivor,) after Grandma was admitted to ICU. Before I rushed out the door to the hospital, I grabbed a ring off of my Grandmas dresser and put it on my finger. It was a small gold ring with a beautiful opal stone (her birthstone) encased by two diamonds. I don't know why I put that ring on that night except that I felt a need to be closer to her. Over the following days, Grandma slowly recovered but I never removed the ring until she was taken home from the hospital. It became my good luck charm and a constant reminder of the special unconditional love that we shared. 
After she recovered, I put the ring away into a jewelry dish in my bedroom. I never wear it. I'm terrified of scratching it or losing it. I attach too much emotion to items which has been a very deep struggle with my grief process because getting rid of things is very painful to me. I liked knowing the ring was safe and looking at it every day but it was FAR too treasured for me to wear it.

This morning, I woke up and remembered Thanksgivings of the past with Grandma. As tears welled up in my eyes, I just wanted to feel close to my Grandma again. I opened up the dish to find the opal ring so lovingly tucked away and I decided today would be a good day to wear it. As I pulled the ring out, I noticed immediately.... And my heart sunk... A diamond has fallen out of the setting. It isn't in the dish. I don't know when the last time I wore the ring was, nor do I remember where. 

For years, I have treasured this ring as if I had searched the world for it. I have treasured it as if it had the power to bring back someone I loved more than the world itself. For years, I kept it lovingly and safely tucked away, hoping I could protect it forever. 

The thing about life is that we don't get to keep things forever -- our youth, our homes, our memories, our loves... Even our rings. The thing about life is that those things are just as fleeting as we are. The thing I hate most about grief is that as we lose those things we love, our grief grows larger and in turn, takes even more. Each day I feel like I lose something else. It may just be a memory, a certain smell, a phrase my Grandma used to say.. I've broken the record player which was the last gift she ever gave me, and today I lost a diamond from the ring that once gave me hope where none existed. Tomorrow, I will lose something else.. Sometimes I feel like I am just drowning and there's no land in sight. 

Today I am most thankful for having someone in my life who was always my life boat, my best friend, my mother, my grandma and my everything. Today I am missing her. And I lost a diamond, but I've lost much worse before.

One comment on “Thanksgiving Day”

  1. So my advice (totally unsolicited) - get the diamond replaced. And then wear the ring! Wear it with fancy clothes....wear it with jeans. Precious memories shouldn't be tucked away. Things tarnish and break over time no matter what. So I say - wear the ring. The diamond itself isn't a symbol of her. The ring won't bring her back.
    I never met her, but I think that she would say fix it. Maybe for Christmas you should fix it and it would be a way she could give you a Christmas gift. Hugs.

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